I am an adult and YOU CAN TOO!
The other night, after I got home from volleyball, I attempted to kill a box of Samoas (yes, again, and I've got three more boxes; well,...two), lit a smoke, and goofed around on the internet. I washed the girl scout cookies down with a beer, put my feet on the furniture, and thought to myself, "Self, it's pretty awesome to be an adult. Yes, Self, it is."
See, when I was a kid, my mom used to tell me that when I was an adult and I got to make the decisions, I could leave all the fucking lights on I want, but as long as I was in her house, living under her roof, goddammitt, then I had to turn the lights off when I leave a room! And take your fucking shoes out of the middle of the goddamn kitchen!
Well, Mom, you were right. After all those years of living under someone else's roof and someone else's rules, now I have my own roof so I get to make the rules. Sometimes, I make the rules, just so I can break them. Other times, I make a rule that there are no rules. Sometimes I don't make any rules at all and I just wing it - NO FUCKING RULES! Craziness!
I know I'm an adult, because I write in red pen, whenever I want.** I even break grammatical rules - sometimes I start a sentence with a conjunction or leave out the subject of the sentence entirely. In the summer, I turn on the heat and open the door, because I can. Who's gonna stop me? Occasionally, I call my mother and say, "I've got every light in the goddamn house on. Whatcha gonna do about it? Oh, and I just emptied all the shoes out of my closet into the middle of the kitchen floor. I'm texting you a picture right now. Come visit my house. You'll enjoy my rules."
I'm an adult, and YOU CAN TOO!
** Copyright Tortfeasor 2008
See, when I was a kid, my mom used to tell me that when I was an adult and I got to make the decisions, I could leave all the fucking lights on I want, but as long as I was in her house, living under her roof, goddammitt, then I had to turn the lights off when I leave a room! And take your fucking shoes out of the middle of the goddamn kitchen!
Well, Mom, you were right. After all those years of living under someone else's roof and someone else's rules, now I have my own roof so I get to make the rules. Sometimes, I make the rules, just so I can break them. Other times, I make a rule that there are no rules. Sometimes I don't make any rules at all and I just wing it - NO FUCKING RULES! Craziness!
I know I'm an adult, because I write in red pen, whenever I want.** I even break grammatical rules - sometimes I start a sentence with a conjunction or leave out the subject of the sentence entirely. In the summer, I turn on the heat and open the door, because I can. Who's gonna stop me? Occasionally, I call my mother and say, "I've got every light in the goddamn house on. Whatcha gonna do about it? Oh, and I just emptied all the shoes out of my closet into the middle of the kitchen floor. I'm texting you a picture right now. Come visit my house. You'll enjoy my rules."
I'm an adult, and YOU CAN TOO!
** Copyright Tortfeasor 2008
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